Heres a poem i made when i was still in High school
I thought I had full authority in time
But mistakes was always mine
I could dine with the God of wine
Why do I always loose the timing?
Always when my heart starts ringing.
But never loose hope, my mind said,
and be true to your self my heart added,
So why give up the things that keeps me alive
It only gives me strength to stand and strive
I will take what is rightfully mine,
Its all but courage, thats what I'll take,
and I wont be nice to anybody in this matter,
Even if i have to loose my friends,
I will give them all up,
for one thing in my heart, I know I love
I will kill death and be swift as the winds that blew
For my dreams to come true.
well, did it make any sense?...before i thought it did, but now, im not really sure, hehehehe...cheers!!!!
Decision
Bachelors Degree
Its been almost a year since i graduated, and it seems i feel very at home in my new life. a new found freedom i guess, freedom from being scolded on why i came late, freedom to buy a few things that i want and go to places I've never been, or it could be fulfillment. Fulfillment of being a college graduate, of earning my own money, fulfillment of doing almost everything my parents wanted, fulfillment in showing to the whole damn world that i can do more that what i can say.
Ive had a rather memorable college life, i met a lot of people, experienced a lot of difficulty, challenges and joy. Ive seen and enjoyed who i am the moment i realized who i really was. There was even a time that people look up on me, a time when i had a handful of people loyal to me and would rally to my side when the need arises, i time when i held small authority over my school mates, led them to victory and defeat and showed them what needs to be done.
its been a year since i slept 4 hours a day, constantly traveled far places just to finish our thesis, its been a year since i did everything i knew to save and make money for the funds needed to complete our project. its been almost a year since i walked and received my diploma.
i really wanted to be an engineer, and even if i had'nt been a licensed engineer (since computer engineers dont have licenses...tsk..damn!!!) im still happy, coz i know im still living as an engineer, someone who's constantly working for innovation, someone who always tries to do his best. someone who even if he doesnt have a clue on how to do things, but will still figure a way to work things out...
i miss my five years in college, i dont have any regrets with the things that ive been through as a student...and im proud of myself...regardless of what people say.,,,
relief
ts almost 10:00 PM and i should be asleep by now, since il be waking up at 4:00 AM tommorow, but i just cant fall asleep...
i seem to like this blogging i just didn't have the time to make a lot of post though...so i guess il just be blogging to this site, since most of the people i know doesn't know i have an account here. i think its a great way for me to let out a bit of steam ( to those who might have the privilege of reading, sad to say its still "a bit" of steam...literally).
now where do we start, well im a computer engineer, but my job title is a programmer. and the reason why im programming instead of working on hardware stuff is because its damn hard to find a job. and since i do know a few languages i sign up for th job...the jobs fine, coz i dont do just programming, i also do IT maintenance and provide the technical stuff when acquiring new IT equipment.
my working life seems nice for everybody but not always...i sometimes hate it because i cant seem to satisfy my bosses, i know i an do every IT job in the office, and yet they still tell me that i dont do what im supposed to do...it just ruins my day...they give a lot of work, work that is beyond my job description as an IT officer, i sometimes do clearical and administrative duties. i even represent the office during out of town trips. and i even work more than eight hours a day, and yet i dont get the extra hours...i think im doing more that what im supposed to do...
you may ask how about the salary, the salary is just fine, for myself, i mean..the salary that i get is good only for myself and that money would have a hard time building a family, and now you'd guess why i dont want to get married just yet...
all id wish is for people to realize that i am the only IT officer in the office and i am doing more that being an IT...
just leaving a thought
according to someone i don't really know, they say that the only constant or the only thing thats certain in this world of ours is change...
several years back, when back street boys and britney became the flaunting into the minds of young individuals like me. i never expected that i would be in the position that i am today...in a time where pikachu thunderbolted himself to the screens of young boys and girls and playstations would increase your status in a society where seniority being known to people was both imminent and important....
ive always been straight "thank God", ever since, i have this fondness if you may say or as i would say it an admiration to the opposite sex, not that i want to become one, please dont get me wrong...its just i admire the curves of their bodies, the smell of feromones, which act like perfumes and even without one, i feel i can smell that aroma of beauty in a woman...the smile that can melt an angry heart... shoulders that fit to every mans head when we men need a comforting side...a soft bedroom voice, that even not so often we hear these tones of voice that can surely ease any mans tension,...
i know my woman...i may not pick the most beautiful nor the most perfect
, but i certainly know who would make me happy....but happiness comes at a price...
everybody knows that, but that is a price i am willing to pay, i am willing to give a few tears, a few head aches and a few sacrifices for that special someone...
i never expected to think that way before...
then came a time when im in the middle of maturity and pure enjoyment of life...a part that thinks about the future and a part that would certainly like to exchange a lecture for a bottle of liquor...a new found freedom, mis used at times yet respected and cherished.
then being a professional, who still has a stinch of youth in a world filled with repectible and responsible adults...the transitions were fast, without notice, most often shocking, but is always expected and never lacking....
one possesion that up to these days remained with me through these transitions, these possesions may change through time and every transition but none the less they were there...
these are family and friends..
parody of a lover: a hopless romantic
This was posted on Nov 26, '04 12:36 PM, i just found this from my multiply account
Something to read about...just remember this was like four years ago...
almost every time i happen to sit at the lobby, my eyes automatically entangle with romantic scenes: couples doing HHWW (holdin' hands while walking), and those stuffs you see in commercials...i cant deny im smiling from within. a bit of that envious feeling pounds in my heart . And as saccharine scenes begin to sink in, i tell myself, "dont just sit there, have your own!". sounds easy though, but its not! sure enough-the delights of having someone beside you doing the HHWW stuff, whispering to her ears,a s she responds with a slight pinch on your side!
but at the back of my mind i am always visited by the basic reality of a relationship. can i give up my tsinovela habits? the pleasures of sleep just for her...?can i afford to look like F4 just to keep things from falling?in short am i going to be a different person? stuff like these matter to me...somehow 60% of my conviction look at it as unbearable, but entertaining.
many know how to start a relationship but do not know how to keep it...maybe its too ordinary to many or they might just be too slow to know. the matter is quite relative and subjective. the more you think of it, the more you misunderstand it. (its like just do it, man!!!!)
i had a friend who usually complains that love is unfair, and does not want to fall in love again. it is too painful and unfair. but just at the sight of his beloved, she could hardly say a word. she goes GAGA over him..there is no denying that loving is not a simple thing, its too painful and too deceiving to ignore yet we keep on loving! why?..
i am beginning to doubt whether love alone is the basis of a successful relationship, because if it is...how many relationships were torn apart? priorities disintegrated, dreams shattered and lives impaired?when in fact love is all that matters?
what about money, they say you cant buy love but without it, you can hardly have any relationship. Tsk...Damn, money!!!
can we blame love? can we accuse cupid of not doing his job well? we are appalled and get pissed when others intrude into our private life; most often when the heart is at stake only to laugh at the end-"they are correct".pity or simply infatuation, we really do not understand how love is maintained sustained and practiced...pushing ourselves to commit to a relationship irrepressibly and irresponsibly.
i am not a love doctor; i probably am in need of one. neither attend love, courtship nor marriage seminars. i am just someone who does not want to miss what this good life has to offer, not just of hasty decisions, i might regret later in my life...how if things wont fall into place? the ecstasy i dream turns into a nightmare-it is not my time yet.
i have nothing against those who enjoy and honor the magic spell of love's promises; actually i am fascinated with them..it is just that i have not finished patching up things for myself and yet quite disorganized and needs a lot of repair. i never want to jeopardize the banes of love and the essence of a relationship-or what relationship is all about! i am quite sure that love is not hard to find, but not served.
what puzzles me is where should i go from here?
to whom will i share special moments with?
spending the glories of my coming days,
waiting for my sunset.
i do not want to miss her-maybe not here,
not now.
and that was four years ago...remember...
